


Open Up My Mouth

by AnotherLoser



Series: Make No Sound [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Skank!Kurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 17:24:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6204202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherLoser/pseuds/AnotherLoser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a perfect world things would be different.  He wouldn't be lying to his family every day.  He wouldn't be drowning his sorrows and boredom in sex and easily abused substances.  Sam would have fucked the memories right out of him.  Or it wouldn't have happened at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Open Up My Mouth

In a perfect world things would be different. He wouldn't be lying to his family every day. He wouldn't be drowning his sorrows and boredom in sex and easily abused substances. Sam would have fucked the memories right out of him. Or it wouldn't have happened at all.

It didn't take this for Kurt to know how far from perfect the world was. He's known that for a long time. Past bullying aside, the world was not nice. There would always be ignorant children shouting insults they didn't understand, adults telling someone of any age that they were going to hell because of what they were. There would always be someone judging you for something, wether it was your sexuality, gender, race, financial situation or clothes. It's how things worked. Everyone based opinions on something, from a distance it had to be appearance, and what came next varied from person to person.

His mother said that he was the happiest little boy she ever saw. He supposed something in that stayed with him. He had hope and plans for his life.  
When Kurt went out it wasn't an omen for how he felt. Wether it was to get high, or drunk, or just fucked. Sometimes it was forget bad things, sometimes he wanted an outlet, sometimes it was to celebrate something good, sometimes he was just bored, or maybe he had a craving. It all depended on the day, but he always went out. He realizes that it isn't the healthiest way to live his life.

The last time Kurt cried, he didn't plan on being around Sam. Before that, he can't remember. When _it_ happened, Kurt only teared up. His broken noises were as good as it got, some muffled but all feeling strangled. He had sat there where he was left, outside in a vaguely familiar area. He wasn't in Lima at that point.  
It wasn't strange for Kurt to be out of town or wandering all over it, it kept things interesting and he did have a car if he planned on going that far out. He did that night. He remembers because of the several red lights he sat at driving home, wondering what the hell was happening.  
He wasn't going to drive back until he sobered up. He wasn't drunk, but he was on something. Not good enough to make him black out, clearly. Maybe that had something to do with how long he sat there with his pants on but unbuttoned. When he finally stood, he started on autopilot. No tears, no phone calls, just getting home. He wanted to be in his own bed and shower in his bathroom. He supposed it was the same kind of autopilot that took him to Sam's window instead of his own.

All this time he could have avoided waking anyone at all, actually. For one thing it was easier to have someone else open the window when he returned. For another, call it some kind of infatuation. He didn't spend time with Sam during the day, but he could count on their newfound nightly routine.  
It was enough of a habit to lead him there in the midst of a breakdown.

In the morning he took a scolding shower and continued on with life, because there was nothing he could do.  
He didn't know the boy's name, he was on unknown drugs when they met, and he was gay in Lima. How many people would listen for two seconds? His family would, he knows that, but then they'd know about the rest of it. He wasn't about to lose _everything_.

In the perfect world Kurt wished existed at that moment, he wouldn't be blaming himself for things out of his control. On a logical level, he knew the whispered "it's not you're fault"s were true. But he went out that night knowing he'd probably have sex. Any place he frequented had other regular attendees that knew he got around and would mention it to others. He took drugs willingly, planning on those specifically. When did he say no?  
He's sure that he did. He struggled and squirmed and there was blood under his fingernails from when he clawed at the stranger pressing him against the wall.  
Everything about that night though, up until one crucial moment on, was all Kurt's choice and all planned.

Sam whispers that it was ok, that it _will_ be ok, and he lets himself believe it for now. As he's shushed and rocked gently, he finally stops sobbing. It took a while, he's sure, and there was no doubt Finn at least woke up when he didn't even try to be quiet. He'd have to explain, come up with _something_ to say. He's just glad for the time being that no one came to ask yet. Hopefully he'd have until morning.

He held his breath when Sam moved, shifting away but keeping an arm loosely around the sniffling boy on his bed. He reached for his phone on the nightstand, quickly typing up a message to someone and setting it aside again. "I told Finn to stay in his room." He explained quietly. Kurt nodded against his shoulder and took a deep breath.  
"I should... I-I should go." His voice was rough still, unsurprisingly. As soon as Kurt started to pull away, Sam was holding onto him tighter.  
"No, I don't think you should be alone right now."

"I can fucking handle myself." Kurt snapped, weakly pushing Sam's chest. He rubbed at his eyes with his other hand and heaved a sigh. "Obviously I'm doing such a great job, right?" He added bitterly, wiping his nose with the back of his hand before scrunching his face up in disgust. A small smile pulled at Sam's lips.  
"If I get up to grab some tissues, are you gonna leave?" He asked with a lighter tone.  
There was a pause before Kurt shook his head. With a nod, Sam got up and left the room.

In the one minute he was alone, Kurt shifted to lean back against the wall with his arms wrapped around himself and a particular thought crossed his mind. He went out to get high, to try and forget or at least feel normal like he's been doing since that night. This night, he was hit on. Nothing more, just hit on. A few days ago he nearly hooked up with someone. That first night he went into a panic and punched the man who proceeded to call him crazy and leave. This time he just felt uncomfortable. He just couldn't do it. He couldn't be around people anymore, and he should have let himself take a break from the start but he didn't want that. That made it sound like he was defeated. So he kept going and when he could have gotten off tonight he was disgusted.  
What stuck out to him now was that without a word, he came into Sam's room once again and asked him to fuck the memories away. How classy.

Kurt drew his legs up. Sam returned about that time and set a roll of toilet paper beside him before sitting on his other side. When Kurt gave first the roll and then him a questioning look, a small smile set on his face. "I don't know where you guys keep the tissues."  
Kurt smiled a little and nodded. Once he blew his nose and cleaned his face up the best he could, he glanced over at his friend again. If he could call him that.  
"Why didn't you just freak and kick me out?" His throat still hurt but at least he could speak above a whisper again.  
"Did you think I would?" Sam asked, his brows furrowed.  
"I stumbled in here again and tried to get you to fuck me in the middle of the night."  
"Well--I don't- I mean, I don't know how I feel about you in a romantic way but there's.."  
"Something?" Kurt offered. He supposed he felt similarly. It isn't like he was in love with Sam, he might not even have a crush on him. But there was some kind of attraction there. Maybe that friend you'd sleep with if you had to choose someone that you know.

"Yeah." Sam nodded a bit and shifted closer to Kurt. "It probably wouldn't have been smart anyway... I think I would've done it though if you were ok." He said lightly, as if considering just that.  
"I am ok." When he looked at him like he was ready for a protest neither of them wanted, Kurt continued before he could. "Not like I normally am but- I'm not broken, Sam. I'm _fine_. I'm not having flash backs or scrubbing myself raw to feel clean or whatever they talk about in books, I don't even remember it all clearly." He trailed off, running his fingers through his hair and gripping it briefly.  
"But it still.. It still happened, Kurt, and it's fucked up. Seriously just- fucked up.." It was kind of touching, how distraught Sam was.  
Kurt watched him carefully for a moment before continuing. "It is.. But in a way, I think I should have expected this. I go out and get high or drunk or just hit on anyone appealing enough, there's enough douchebags in the world and plenty of angry closest cases that don't want rejection." His voice wavered. "This is what I get. And I know what you're going to say but it... I can't- there has to be some _reason_ and maybe if I just did one thing different it wouldn't have happened o-or some...something..."

"Whatever the reason is, it's his, not yours." He didn't want to look at Sam, see how serious he was, but he felt the stiffness in his arm when it wrapped around Kurt's shoulders again. "It'll never justify or explain what he did but it's in his head, ok? You didn't do anything wrong and don't tell me that you did, I don't care what you were on or how wasted you were. You can't give consent like that in the first place and he took advantage of that."  
"You're a good brother, aren't you?" Kurt asked softly. Chances were, if this conversation happened again, it would be for that sweet little sister of his. Kurt remembered those two pretty well after the Evans were in the hotel. He gave them what of his clothes that could fit anyone, babysat the kids while Sam was working after school. He didn't exactly like children in general, but they were sweet and well behaved for the most part and pretty mature for their ages, actually. He kind of missed how they freaked out over his hair when he dyed it.

"I...I hope so.." Sam trailed off, his brows furrowing. "Probably not doing too good leaving them like I did." He said with a small shrug.  
Kurt frowned. "They're smart. They understand. You did part of the raising and they know it.. Coming here is you getting to be a kid again. There's nothing wrong with that."  
"We're getting off topic.."  
"I don't know," Kurt started lightly. "I like talking about your problems more than mine right now." Sam chuckled.  
"Yeah well I'm not the one climbing through the window every night." He teased. Kurt whacked his side with the back of his hand.

*

The next day was fine. Kurt went back to sleep in his own room just before the sun began to rise. Sam took over for him while he slept in, claiming to have been sitting with Kurt while he threw up in the night. Part of him wished he that could tell them what happened, just so someone better able to help Kurt could, but it wasn't his secret to tell.  
His excuses kept anyone from bothering Kurt though, and he needed all the rest he could get. There were jobs and school to go to, so it's not like anyone would be home until later in the day anyhow. That lead Sam to the awkward conversation at the breakfast table where he asked if he could stay behind to look after the boy upstairs. Finn thought nothing of it, but both adults had curiosity on their faces. Sam never understood how they could have no idea to what Kurt really got up to in his spare time and in the night, especially with how protective this family was. Honestly he was kind of mad at them for not knowing, because if they knew then maybe he could say something.

"I guess that's fine." Burt said finally. Something about the silence that followed made Sam think there would be questions later. Or at least more strange looks. He supposed that it _was_ weird to anyone who didn't know about the nightly visits, seeing as he and Kurt hardly spoke until the night before. They got along of course, but that was as good as it got. Why he would want to stay behind and look after Kurt while the latter was most likely sleeping most of the day, irritable, and possibly vomiting again, well that was a good question to the innocent bystander.

Kurt didn't wake until it was past noon. Understandable, Sam thought, but still concerning knowing Kurt. He might be the only actual morning person in the house. He still needed the rest though. Sam went ahead and started on soup about that time, figuring waking him up for food would be justifiable at least. Kurt was already down the stairs before he finished making it.  
He looked _tired_. His hair was a mess; greasy looking and sticking out at random places, his eyes were puffy again, and his posture made him look half asleep slumped against the doorframe to the kitchen. Sam had never even seen him in pajamas, none the less with a bed head or anything else that was below Kurt's own standards. If it wasn't for the past few nights, he'd be scared.

After a few beats of silence, Sam spoke up as brightly as he could with the worry in his gut. "Hey, I was getting worried I'd have to wake you up."  
"What time is it?" He spoke perfectly clear, thankfully.  
"'Bout noon. I'm making soup." Sam added, gesturing to the various vegetables chopped up on the counter.  
"Mm." Kurt hummed in recognition and looked to the coffee pot. There was enough left for maybe two cups, though he doubted it would be even warm at this point. "Why're you here? It's a weekday." He asked as he made his way over to get himself a mug anyway.  
"Wanted to make sure you're alright. I said you were up puking last night and sleeping in so.. We're both in the clear."

Facing the microwave with his cool cup of coffee now, Kurt seemed to go entirely still for a long moment. He continued with his task at hand before replying. "Thank you." Sam didn't have much of a reply, but it died before he could say it as Kurt continued. "For the lie. And last night. I don't.. I guess letting me in your window every night is appreciated too, but I could've been using my own. I just want you know it means a lot, what you're doing for me."  
"Yeah..." Sam trailed off. He watched Kurt closely, how he was entirely still, possibly tense just from this conversation that he continued to trip over. His eyes were downcast, coffee forgotten for the time being. His adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed dryly. "Of course."


End file.
